January 14, 2023
Subject: Lost Marbles
This image was made with a simple doodle, then lots of different art filters layered on.
It kind of has an 80s feel to it, with the "marbles" and geometric stuff in the background.
Makes sense to me, because it was in the 1980s that I first began to lose my marbles. Maybe a few were lost earlier, like in my earlier childhood years... but they really started to roll around and come loose in the 1980s. I won't get too deep here. I'll just say, maybe I shouldn't have tried any drugs when I was a teenager, knowing full well that they could scramble minds.
Also, I had emotional struggles, from things that were unhealthy / destructive in my formative years.
Yes, my "marbles" have been lost over the years, but then, began to be found and reclaimed again, one by one.
Back in the 1980s, when I was in high school, I remember dodging and avoiding the guys at my school who were put-together, "normal", wholesome. They were popular, friendly, involved in athletics. They were the ones who the popular girls wanted to date. I remember thinking, I can't date any of them. What if they see my inferior underbelly... my instability... my sometimes broken mind. All the way back then, in the late 1980s, I was already aware of how different I was, and becoming. I experienced some abuse, that took it's toll on me, and gave me a sense of inferiority and shame, when I was around the popular, normal kids. They didn't know what I was hiding.
I've learned, as time has gone by, how unhealthy it is to compare. We are all on different and unique tracks. We all learn different things at different times.
The irony of it is, I had some intense difficulties and unseen hardships as a teenager, yet have known comfort and ease later in life. Sort of a reversal from what others have experienced. I suppose it all evens out, in the end...
a prayer -
Lord Jesus,
please help me to stop comparing myself to others.
Please heal me of the feelings of inferiority and shame,
when compared to other people.
Please help me to see and understand that You allow us all to go through things at different times, teaching us what we need, at different seasons in our lives.
Thank You for my unique and wonderful life.
